Sorry – “Tom Will Smack Your Ass”

Let's be clear: Sorry's new song "Tom Will Smack Your Ass" is not about me. At least, I'm pretty sure it's not. I have never knowingly met any of the members of Sorry, and I certainly have not smacked their asses. Listen: I can't speak for any Toms, but I can say that I will not smack your ass without your enthusiastic consent. Even with your enthusiastic consent, I probably won't do it. It likely wouldn't occur to me. I don't mean any offense when I say that. I'm sure your ass is very nice. It's just not a way that I interact with most people.We got all that, right? We're good? It's understood? Because on the song, Sorry clearly state that the titular Tom "fucks you in his car like 'Fuck, it's a Fiat.'" I don't drive a Fiat. I drive a Volkswagen Atlas, and I haven't fucked anybody in it. I got it used, so maybe someone has fucked you in it, but it wasn't me. According to a press release, the song "weaves a cutting British caricature" of "a mythologized villain." This Tom, supposedly, is "a parody of the boy we all know." Is there some villainous Tom running around the UK, smacking asses and fucking people in his Fiat, or is he just a generic stand-in for all Toms? We may never kno...